White Sparrow’s Wedding          

See our Wedding Photos

(September 24, 2006 - Sunday 12:00 p.m.)

 
The Bride and Groom dancing together while
wrapped within their 'wedding blanket'.

There was a bear, there was a bird, there was a Turtle Island wedding!  

For anyone who has never witnessed or participated in a traditional Native American wedding, here is the story of Tom "Goldenbear’s" and White Sparrow’s Sacred Wedding day.  

Allow me please to back up with the details, before moving forward with our story. Originally, it was only to be Tom, myself, our medicine person and the Great Spirit at our wedding.  Life I guess, had a different plan in mind for us. 

Prior to our wedding, we had several people ask us if they could invite themselves to our Sacred Wedding Ceremony.  Among those to ask us, was the very person who issued our marriage license.  

Perhaps this was because she had an Apache blood line herself.  Or, simply because she was intrigued with our enthusiasm and ideas.  Then again, maybe her curiosity of attending a Native American wedding should receive the credit. 

Can you image our surprise and extreme delight?  Naturally, our answer was yes!  Tom and I strongly believed that whoever the Great Spirit felt should be at our wedding, or needed to be there, would be.  Now, this same reasoning applies to those who stumble across our story here on my web site.  So, with arms outstretched, ”Welcome to our Wedding!”  

On the day of our autumn wedding, the groom and I arrived at the beautiful ancient site of Quari National Park in New Mexico, U.S.A.  The exact location of our wedding was held at the Sister Bird area.  Which, is found right next to an ancient water source (well), and surrounded by old cottonwood trees.  (The cottonwood tree is a very Spiritual tree to the Indians).  

A mere thirty feet from the old well, is a beautiful little wooden bridge.  At the far side of the bridge is a colored marker, depicting a picture of Saint Francis of Assisi holding ceremony among the birds.  

Naturally, me being named White Sparrow, (who has written and had published a song entitled, ‘Love and Bridges’) and Tom, (a non-Catholic/non follower of organized religion) who faithfully believes in Saint Francis of Assisi - decided this particular spot in the park to be the most logical place for us to be married.  Along with the fact there is a long and strong Native American history that accompanies this park.   

We had been informed by the Park’s employees that most of the weddings at Quari are held within the remains of the old mission ruins.  The ruins rest approximately 300 feet away from our chosen location.  Somehow, to this bride and groom, starting married life together in ruins (ha, ha), didn’t seem like something we cared to try.

What’s also very ironic is this.  Quari is known to be called ‘The Place of the Bear’.  Tom’s given Indian name, being Tom Goldenbear, made this the perfect place for us to be joined in marriage. Upon our arrival at the park, I’m not sure who was more elated, Tom, or myself!  

You see, what we discovered was that our flutist and her husband (our drummer), had arrived a good hour or so ahead of us.  Their purpose was to hold the ceremony and prepare the spot where we were to be married.  This was not an action that had been requested by Tom or me.  This was truly an unselfish and most gracious and traditional gesture on the part of this couple.  This in itself, is a wonderful memory and was certainly a very thoughtful way to start out our very special occasion.  

Somehow, during the buzzing of all the pre-ceremony activities, I lost track of the whereabouts of my husband-to-be.  Under the circumstances, I was not concerned, so my daughter-in-law and I decided to utilize this time to handpick my wedding bouquet of wild flowers.  

My first choice for my bouquet was a very easy one.  It had to be the vibrant and fiery-orange colored Indian paint brush that grows so abundantly in our area.  Next, we added some tiny bright yellow star beauties with an orange colored wild fern to add fullness and finish to the bouquet. Lastly, one held unto while the other wrapped the stems together with leather lacing.  

Strange, I’m sure, this doesn’t sound very glamourous to the average person.  However, to me, it was a far more sentimental and natural step in our outdoor Sacred Ceremony.  It also seemed a  warmer and more personal touch to our wedding, as opposed to ordering flowers from an unknown florist more than forty five miles away in the nearest city.  

In my mind’s eye, I will always see the enthusiasm I witnessed, while my daughter-in-law scampered around in a childlike manner, gathering my bouquet with such free spirited innocence.  

Upon my walk back down the trail to find my groom, I was not expecting to be stopped! There, in my path stood Windwalker with her ten-year-old, bubbly, beautiful, blonde-haired, daughter.  The two of them presented me with a wide, handmade, butterfly belt of brown suede.  The butterfly, to many people, represents the gift of transformation and newness of new ways and new life.  This gift was given and received with genuine tears of joy.  It was this moment, which began my long, wonderful and emotional day of unleashed tears to flow.  

Before this day, I had never met this Native American family.
I was overwhelmed with their kindness and  generosity. Then again, I’m certain that this was the way of both of our ancestors.  Special, and accepted, are the best words, I think, to describe how this family made me feel.

My husband to be and I, had been very Blessed.  To have this exceptional woman, Chief Windwalker and her husband Edule, Chief Spirit of Buffalo, perform and partake in our marriage ceremony was truly an honor.  Everything they did was full of passionate zeal.  Their combined energy is astounding to be around!  

Not only is Windwalker a memorable, strong, positive energy on her own, she is also an extraordinary drummer, flutist and professional Native American vocal nominee.  

The crossing of our paths, is a most remarkable mile-marker in our life’s journey.  Tom could not have chosen a more appropriate family than this, to be our special guests at our wedding.  

While I completed some last minute touch-ups to my self-made feather hair adornment and adding my butterfly belt around my waist, the sound of the rhythmic beating drums grew stronger.   

On the wind, I could now hear my musical cue to make my way to join my handsome groom in our Sacred Circle.  

There was also another very special participant at our wedding ceremony - our family dog D.J.  (Bull-Boxer).  He performed the role of our four-legged ring bearer.   

Attached to the royal blue collar he wears, I had previously fastened our wedding bands with the handy bead work of my dear deceased Aunt Mary.  On this Sacred Sunday, she was but one of the many friends and relatives that accompanied us in Spirit.  

One of our most treasured memories of September 24, 2006 was having my eldest son Damon give me away.  He had genuinely surprised us just days before our wedding with a phone call from Canada to say that both he and my daughter-in-law would be flying into New Mexico to join us on our special day.  

During our ceremony, not only did Damon give me away on behalf of himself, but also on behalf of my youngest son Ryan, who couldn’t be with us in person.  You see, he and his wife, reside in Switzerland which was just too far a trip for them to make.  No matter, Tom and I felt the loving presence of all our family - near and far!  

It felt unbelievably wonderful to be standing arm-in-arm with my son, at the foot of a little wooden bridge facing my soon-to-be-husband.  There, across the far side of the bridge, I could see all of our guests gathered in a circle awaiting my arrival.  

The big moment of our union was now about to manifest.  My son began to walk forward toward my groom.  Tom was waiting anxiously at the halfway mark on the bridge before me.  My eyes were now locked in his.  

With each step I took toward him - I was more than ready to shed my decades of singleness and welcome in the dawning of my new life as Tom "Goldenbear’s" wife and bride, his lover and his best friend.  

My son kissed my right cheek as he unwrapped my arm from his and handed me over to Tom’s arm.  

I remember now as I am writing these words, how Tom stepped forward and shook Damon’s hand in sincere gratitude for all he had done, and for acknowledging we would soon all be part of a very big family.  (Tom has five grown children and eight grandchildren, and I have two grown sons).  

As Tom walked me back to his side of the bridge, we briefly paused to collect our wedding blankets, our corn, and our venison.  

Traditionally, corn is presented by the bride to her groom.  It represents the promise that she will always feed, nurture and nourish him.  Similarly, the groom in return, offers venison to his bride, as a promise that he will always provide, protect and shelter her.  

Spread out evenly on the ground before us, in the center of our ceremonial circle, was the full skin of a black bear.  

Prior to our union, the bear had been Blessed and had given to us, it’s permission to stand upon it, while being married.  It’s a great honor indeed, to receive an animal’s spiritual assistance at anytime.  However, to receive the protection and strength of bear medicine for one’s marriage isn’t something that should, or was, taken lightly by either Tom or myself.  

Then, giving thanks, we both stepped together upon the bear’s back.  I was carrying a ceremonial blanket and my bouquet in one hand, and a borrowed heirloom Hopi basket of sacred corn in my other hand.  Some of the corn we used was both the yellow and the rainbow type.  Some of it was more than two hundred year’s old.  

Tom was carrying our ‘Sacred’ wedding blanket in colors of brown, beige and cream, with a blue star pattern in the middle of it.   

I was wearing a long dark brown, sleeveless dress.  A light weight-fringed shawl, covered my shoulders.  It was matching brown in color.  My knee-high, front-laced-up boots, were also dark brown.   

My groom wore a shirt with the color and softness of buckskin, dark pants and dark brown boots.  I had earlier placed a flower stem of Indian paint brush in the heart side pocket of Tom’s shirt, for his boutonniere!  

Our flutist and drummer wore their traditional regalia.  The drummer wore a brightly colored ribbon shirt.  His wife wore a showy long ribbon dress.  Their beautiful young daughter was covered in a small buckskin dress and matching moccasins.  

Tom and I both were deeply honored to have our dear friend Sakina Blue-Star as our medicine person and ordained minister.  She is also known as Grandmother (respected Elder).

Grandmother Sakina conducted and guided our entire traditional ceremony with great reverence, wisdom and her wonderful humor.  Sakina is well known by many and we were very fortunate and deeply honored, to have her accept our invitation to be our first choice as the person to marry us.  

The very land which we stood upon during our ceremony, dates in time to the early 800's. Pueblo Native American history was all around us, under us, above us, and most certainly, among us.  Tom and I, definitely felt the presence of the ancestors there with us.  

Among the photographs captured at our wedding, is of Grandmother Sakina and Windwalker giving Thanks to the Spirit Keepers of the four directions.  Simultaneously, they would move and speak in Cherokee, offering thanks and asking for their blessings to be with us.  

Windwalker carried out the smudging of each guest in our circle, and then, lastly herself.  This was followed up by the presentation of small tied prayer bags to each person.  These small bundles were handed out by ten-year-old Anugqus (Windwalker’s daughter).  

The prayer bundles are used as an offering of blessings and protection for the bride and groom.  They also make great keepsakes for each guest to go home with.  

Grandfather, (the sun), shone down with it’s warming rays while Windwalker gave a heartfelt and memorable acappella rendition of the beautiful song ‘Amazing Grace’.  To hear her powerfully and professionally perform this song in her Cherokee tongue was nothing short of an incredible experience.  It also had an extra special significance for my new husband because, his maternal ancestors had been Cherokee.  

Like many people, ‘Amazing Grace’ has always been one of my favorite songs, but now it will also always be a very ‘Sacred’ bonding song between Tom and me.  

Sakina Blue-Star spoke to everyone, giving a brief history of Native American customs and beliefs.  If anyone can dispense knowledge and wisdom of traditional ways, it is Grandmother Sakina.  

Now, it was our turn!  Tom turned to face me, and before the Great Spirit and all our witnesses, he spilled his heart, his words, and his soul.  He didn’t care that his voice cracked, nor that his wet eyes spoke volumes.  He was not embarrassed that I could hardly see him through all the tears seeping down from between my eyelashes.  

Tom’s genuine confession of his feelings and promises to me, boldly and innocently poured out of him.  He was adamant that everyone understood that our vows were ‘for all time and eternity’.  As opposed to the usual - “Til, death do us part.” 

While sharing his vows he reached into a flat white box (which my son was holding) and took out a beautiful bone and turquoise Eagle-kachina necklace and draped it over my neck.  This was extremely precious to me because, when Tom and I first met he had given this special necklace to me.  However, I told myself at the time that I would never wear it until our wedding day.  

Then, it was my turn to try to express to Tom, my ‘Gentle Warrior’, all and everything that he means to me.  My words were far fewer than his, but they were also born from a pure and unrehearsed place in my heart and soul.  I became so emotionally choked that I could barely speak what my heart was professing.  After a short silent pause, (acknowledged by everyone), I finally found enough of my voice to complete my vows.  

My son later expressed to us that there wasn’t a dry eye to be seen by anyone, and even his own throat was hardened by the lump that got stuck in it.  

I think it’s important at this point of our story to emphasize to everyone that our entire wedding ceremony was completely spontaneous and unrehearsed!  Not even Tom and I knew exactly how the ceremony would flow!  Sakina Blue-Star and Windwalker, stamped their ‘spiritual prints’ of beauty, tradition and talent into every aspect of our Sacred Wedding Ceremony.

Upon completing my vows to Tom, I reached into the same box and gifted Tom with a special bear’s tooth that hung from a long brown suede lacing.  

It was at this moment that Tom took the time to explain to everyone the significance of this particular bear tooth.  He told how it had come from the mouth of a bear that had gone on to the next world.  He further explained, that my son (who works in forest fire protection in British Columbia) pulled this tooth and personally gifted Tom with it, upon meeting each other for the first time up in Canada.   

This tooth meant a great deal to Tom.  So, he took the liberty to engrave it with the letter ‘e’.  A very special letter which had initially brought us together (approximately one year earlier.)  

Tom, then reached down and untied the pair of shiny matching Hopi silver wedding bands from D.J.’s collar.  With Sakina’s instruction, we then placed them on each other’s heart finger (also known as the ring finger).  Our wedding bands were handcrafted by a Hopi friend, artist, and Snake Dance Priest.  

With the vows now completed, Sakina tied our wedding blanket securely around us.  Joyous drumming and dancing began.  Then, Windwalker walked over and gently placed my forehead against Tom’s.  She whispered that at this time we should dance together in place to the rhythm of the drums.  How appropriate I thought!  Tom often refers to me as ‘His Last Dancer’.  

It’s hard to describe, but the harmony of our love seemed to be even greater enhanced and felt even deeper between us.  We were now, most definitely, two people of one heart!  Then, as we danced, so did all of those surrounding us in the Sacred Circle.  

When the music ceased, the knot was tightened in the blanket around us, symbolizing that before the ‘Great Spirit’, we (the bride and groom) had securely tied the knot of marriage.

Next, Sakina in her wisdom, explained to our guests the history and the purpose of the “talking stick.”  She then passed her turtle medicine rattle to the closest person in the circle, so that each guest had an opportunity to speak their blessings and good wishes to Tom and me, or simply to say “AH-HO” and pass it onto the next person standing in our Sacred Circle.  

Once everyone had completed the passing of the talking stick, the circle was Blessed one last time as we all got ready for picture taking and preparing ourselves for the reception that would follow.  

Here ended and began, our ‘Sacred Marriage Ceremony’ and Tom and I stepped off the back of the bear skin as Mr. and Mrs. (Smith).  Ah, but our special day was far, far from over yet!  

After a session of outdoor photos taken by several of our guests, we made our way to the hotel restaurant for our reception and some serious eating, conversation, and hearty laughter.  

The decor of the historic hotel restaurant was Native American, and the restaurant owners went out of their way to accommodate our wishes and requests.  (Since our reception, they have both become our new friends).  

After our guests were comfortably seated at the tables, on behalf of Tom and me, our daughter-in-law, passed out small silver medallions from a white leather fringed pouch.  These medallions were of the “Special Attendants” that Tom and I had chosen to be with us “In Spirit” on our wedding day.  There were three different medallions, enough to pass out one to each guest.  

First, was Saint Francis of Assisi - (Patron Saint of animals and humble possessions).  St. Francis, was Tom’s choice for his best man.  

Second, was Saint Rita of Cascia - (Patron Saint of impossible dreams).  

Third, was Blessed Kateri Tekakwitha - (known for her unshakeable commitment to fidelity).  What most people fail to realize is that Kateri is the only Native American, to date, to be considered for Sainthood.  She’s, known as ‘Lily of the Mohawks’ and ‘Flower of the Algonquins’.  (Both St. Rita and Kateri were chosen to be my bridesmaids.)  

Well, what can I say?  Tom and me, have rarely walked the typical path during any part of our journey. While the reception played out, so did the recorded Native American music of Windwalker, throughout the restaurant.  

When the main course of the reception winded down, Tom and I cut our unique four-directions wedding cake.  Even the congenial restaurant owners shared a piece of our wedding cake.  

Sangria (a favorite fruity-red wine of the bride and groom), was poured and passed to all of those of legal drinking age.

We had been very fortunate to have had our restaurant friends close their doors to the public so that we could hold a private reception without any outside interruptions.  

After dining, Tom and I slipped away to take a few more pictures and to change our clothes and prepare for our outdoor fireside circle.  

The momentum of our day and evening, seemed to flow incredibly smooth and harmoniously, from one event into another.  It truly had been a perfect wedding day, even with all the small obstacles that always accompany such an event. 

While we changed our clothes, the sound of the flute and drums wafted up our hotel corridor.  By the time we changed and left our big and beautiful bridal suite, we were delighted to find approximately sixteen guests all comfortably seated and waiting for us outside around the large glowing fire pit.  

It was a wonderful sight to see our son busily cooking the roast of wedding venison over the open fire.  Once the deer meat was fully cooked, he prepared plates of bite size morsels, and starting with the bride and groom, he passed them to everyone around the entire circle.  

The sky was clear above us, the stars were brilliant in their clarity and the temperature could not have been more suitable for a fire. I remember how still and quiet and harmonious the night was.  I’m sure the sounds and smells of our fire drifted and carried on the warm night air.  

During our nonstop entertainment, a moderate flow of Sangria (firewater), continued to be passed and shared around the circle.  

Tom and I sat on the right and closest to the entertainers.  We were Blessed with the music of the  double flute, a sound which most have never heard.  The mighty drums were beating and we were honored by a special dedication to the ‘bride and groom.’  

Now the young feet of Anugqus once again entertained us as previously performed during our wedding ceremony.  This ten-year-old girl, traditionally trained, danced the beautiful butterfly/shawl dance for us.  Watching the choreographed movements was especially dramatic as her feet and shawl moved first fast, then slow like the flames of the fire.  

Grandmother Sakina gave a very special and traditional performance of story, song and multiple dances.  We were especially touched to have experienced all of Sakina’s contributions to our Circle.  Not everyone will have the pleasure and honor of her knowledge and talent. How wonderful it was to have our guests be able to be there to share in all of this tradition with us.  

The breath of pure joy embraced and filled us all.  Genuine smiles could be seen on the faces of everyone as I watched happily and observed closely around the circle.

It took no effort to feel the Spirit move us.  There is no sufficient way for me to capture in words what Tom and I felt on this day and evening.  I know most weddings are very special, but ours on this day - really, really was!  

Oh, yes, we did receive the gift of the ‘Sacred wedding vase or vessel’. That in itself, is a short ironic story that will remain with us.  It goes something like this!  

Just days before our wedding, Tom and I had been in a Native American gift shop.  There on the shelf was a beautiful wedding vase.  The innkeeper reached up and retrieved it from the shelf so that we could have a closer look at it.  It was exactly what Tom and I had in mind for a wedding vase.  It was not overdone with grandiose artwork, but it was simple, pure and very traditional in appearance.  As much as we liked it, we both agreed that in keeping with tradition, a couple should not purchase one of these for themselves.  

Tradition tells us that in order to behold it’s true blessing the couple should receive it as a gift or as an inheritance.  Looking back and forth at each other, we further agreed that if the Great Spirit intended us to have a wedding vase, that it would happen.  With this mind set, we handed it slowly back across the counter to the owner and went on with our other plans for the day.  

Here’s where it gets interesting! During the reception there were three unwrapped parcels (gifts) positioned next to Tom and me at the dinner table.  Tom insisted that I should open them.  So, I reached into a beautiful gift bag and when I unwrapped it, I exclaimed, “Oh, my God!”  “Oh, my God!”  Tom immediately piped up that he had never heard me “Oh my God!” anything before.  After unwrapping it completely, I held up the gift to show him what I had uncovered.  

It was a wedding vase!  Not just any old wedding vase!  It was the very wedding vase that had been purchased from the very same gift shop that we had been in only days before.  Ah, but there’s more!  

We didn’t even know, nor had either of us ever met the person who had gifted us with this perfect wedding vessel.  She had been an extra person that had wanted so much to witness our Sacred Wedding Ceremony that she invited herself to come along with another couple that we had invited.  

Her first name is Nancy, and she is the most delightful woman one could ever meet.  She was also the first person on her feet to offer to pass out the wedding cake to our guests.  She is quite a woman indeed.  Several times, she made a point of thanking us for allowing her to attend our wedding and being a part of our day.  We couldn’t have been more thrilled to have Nancy as our guest.

The second gift, was now next to my right hand and was very uniquely wrapped.  It was a beautiful and brightly colored  handkerchief.  It was turquoise, purple, black and yellow.  When it was completely unfolded, the design on it was of a coyote seated next to a cactus and howling at the moon.  

What was wrapped inside it, was even more beautiful and more precious than the handkerchief itself.  The sight of seeing it caused me once again to explain, “Oh my God!”  which aroused Tom and many of our other guests to burst out in laughter.  

When I held up this gift, everyone could see that it was a smaller, nearly identical version of the first wedding vase I had opened.  More laughter erupted.  

Tom and I kept looking at each other.  You see, what made this gift very special was the fact that the gentleman who had gifted us with it, neither of us had ever laid eyes on him before either.  He was the guest of our very special friend Grandmother Sakina.  

I think I should mention to you that, for some reason, I almost left this part of our wedding story out.  However, I am very happy now that Tom strongly suggested that we share this part of our journey with you.   

For the record, our Sacred wedding blanket covers us each night on our bed, and not one, but two wedding vases have come to rest on the corner of our bedroom dresser in plain view.  

On the opposite side of our dresser, is a big, beautiful and heavy ironwood brown bear carving.   This same bear was also a part of our wedding.  It sat on the dinner table throughout our  reception.   I fondly remember when Windwalker sought out my permission to touch the bear during our reception.  It is a Native American custom to ask before touching the belongings of others or infringing on them in any way.  

Now, back to wedding vases!  The wedding vase has long been a traditional wedding gift among the Native American people.  It has two openings at the top. The bride and groom take turns, drinking from a separate opening in the top of the vessel.  The mixture signifies the promise of deep love and eternal happiness for the couple.  This is more than a romantic gift! It is a  symbolic gift.  Both of the wedding vessels, which Tom and I received, will signify a double blessing.  Ones which we will treasure for a lifetime!  

No, I haven’t forgotten to tell you about the third gift which I finally opened.  It was the one that our son and daughter-in-law kept hinting at us to open, from the time we had pretty much woken up on our wedding day.  Can you believe this?  It turned out to be a beautiful digital camera.  Sometimes, parents should listen to their children!  

Well, our story simply wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t mention another very treasured gift that came our way, immediately following our wedding ceremony.    

We were blessed by Chief Windwalker and Edole, Chief Spirit of the Buffalo, when they bestowed upon us a handmade ‘wedding pipe’.  The pipe, represents the Sacred Holy Communion, the coming together of male and female energies and should always be shared together with the Great Spirit.