Men and women relationships

Sharing My Husband (and learning to change) . . .

No, I’m not referring to partner swapping, or anything of the sort! I ask you to please, trust me, when I say that I am strongly among those who believe in keeping their partner all to themselves. However, I do find myself in a somewhat unusual status situation!

For many years, I mean many - I was single! Then, in 2005, I’m proud to say the Great Spirit - presented me with (a living-lighthouse) my husband.

Very soon after meeting each other, I was offered both, a proposal of marriage, and the invitation of retirement.

I’ve heard, and am aware, for many couples the transition into retirement can sometimes be a tough adjustment. I wouldn’t know! After being divorced for so long, life decided to fast forward me into many leaps of faith. All of which were great!

Life granted me a loving husband, a wonderful marriage, an early retirement, a world of travel, and a different country to reside in. Also, within a year and a half, I had not one, but two, legal name changes.

“In my books”- I think this gives me the well earned right to speak on the topic of change!

One might think the above changes were a great deal. Guess what, there was more. (I’m not counting, my new mother-in-law, my five new step children and families, the four dogs or, the cat).

After an entire year, of selfishly having my husband all to myself, I became aware I must learn again how to change and grow. I must learn how to share my husband, with the outside world. I call this, our retirement role reversal.

There are those of you, I suppose, who wish you could trade me places! However, I can assure that this is every bit as big of a challenge for me. After having being on my own, for so many years, I genuinely enjoy being joined at the hip, with my husband - twenty-four seven.

So, it was a hard lesson, and a tough day of true discovery, when I realized, I alone, was not an audience, big enough for my husband. That, his needs also included, friendships and business connections - outside of my ‘greedy’ little world. My spoiled little fantasy, took me completely by surprise!

However, after my long-cold snowy-walk in the mountains alone, and a good long talk with the Great Spirit, I finally got myself squared around. Once I blew away, the cobwebs of insecurity and jealousy from my mind, I saw things in a different light. I realized, how much of my own writing and outside interests I had been neglecting.

What I have learned is just how important it is for the two of us be of one heart, yet still maintain our own interests as well as our combined ones.

This is so easy for me to identify, when it’s happening to some other couple! When it came to us, I was totally blinded! My whole article point being - I don’t believe retirement is the opponent!

I think in a lot of cases retirement is receiving a bad marital rap. I’ve genuinely found, it is how we handle the process of self change, which causes the roughest seas to swim in. You’ve heard the expression ‘go with the flow’! I say, float with the flow, but other times - we must paddle hard with it! Yet, never try, to push the tide!

Overcoming my weaknesses (insecurity, jealousy etc.) and refueling my sense of value and self-esteem, has certainly come much easier by being married to the right person for me!

Personally, I am learning a lot about myself. Such as, areas I truly never had the opportunity to discover before. As well as, areas I succeed in or, still fall short in. What matters the most is, the fact that I am changing. My truth is, it is impossible for one to change without growing! And, if we aren’t growing - we must be dead!

In my opinion, we must surrender to the fact, nothing was designed to stay exactly the same. If one can truly adapt and accept this philosophy, the results are far less exhausting.

What I am finding to be ‘my answer’ to a smooth transition, is open and straight up, honest communication. Most important, discuss things as they crop up!

I’ve quickly discovered that there is always a wonderful sense of balance acquired after doing so. The gentler the approach, the easier the pill is to swallow - for everyone involved.

I won’t pretend to hand out all the secret tips and techniques ‘the experts’ offer for jumping the hurdles of change. I, can only confirm to you what my experiences taught me!

I’m not the first person to find myself in this type of situation, or, am I about to be the last.

To stand in a place of inner balance and not fall down is a wonderful place to be. I am extremely happy to report, 99.9% of the time, this is where I happily reside.

I believe it is paramount, for all of us, to keep our eye on our own path of development. To remember, it is not our job to try to fix someone else, but to stay focused on our own levels of balance. Should we forget to monitor these invisible components of ourselves - the worst side of them is certain to materialize.

At least, this is how I see it through Sparrow’s eyes! Oh, and while I am on the subject of my marriage, let me put ‘my best heart’ forward by saying, “Happy Valentine’s Honey!”
- White Sparrow

Men, have you ever wanted to get another inside track on women? Women, have you ever wondered why you continue to go in circles? Please allow me to teach you how to speak Sparrow, the language of Women & Warriors!

Welcome to the hottest wigwam on my site. Here’s to healthy and healing hearts! First, let me tell you how this inspiration came into being. There is a beautiful young lady that often turns to me for personal advice regarding relationships. Sometimes, it is about herself, and other times it is someone she is concerned about. I carefully offer my best wisdom based on the circumstances at that time. Although she is far from the only one I ever counseled, she genuinely seems to want to listen to the options and solutions that I offer up. Apparently, she is likely for the most part to accept what she is hearing!

In the past, my sons have said “my mom doesn’t know a lot about some things, but when it comes to relationships you should ask her!” I have listened to both the young and old over the years, and seemingly have been able to bring comfort to nearly all of them. At least for a little while anyway! I like to tell people that I have acquired my PhD in SMD, (single/married/divorced)! Well, one would hate to have all that experience go in vain!

I do not pretend to be something that I am not! I simply give it in Sparrow language. Meaning, that I speak from all the different paths that I have walked and witnessed. If you like what I have to say, great! If you don’t, them perhaps some other wigwam on my site will be of greater interest. Regardless, my purpose is not to preach, but to teach as I continue to walk and learn!

Now, for all the Warriors out there, I will get back to my initial point. This portion of my site is dedicated to (Angie L.), for insisting that I should write a book about what I can contribute to the topic of relationships. To Angie and to all the other Women and Warriors who support these wishes, thank you for believing in me and in the words I offer up. I am humbled to help spread a little comfort, compassion, and wisdom along my journey! With a bit of luck, I am able to add some humour as well! Although, I cannot promise that there will ever be a book, perhaps this wigwam will suffice if I can’t reach you in person.

Readers, I welcome your relationship questions! You can simply go to the top of my web page and click on the button that reads Contact. Drop me an email. What have you got to lose? If you like what I offer, wonderful! Post your comments in my Guestbook. If you don’t like what you hear, simply don’t use it! Try it your way! Either way, it is you who must live with your decisions, and I with mine!

You warriors always love the bottom line first, so here it is: “Love can conquer all.”

The reason that I picked this title is because I have received emails from you, the readers, asking me if I would ever consider doing a compatibility segment in Wigwam A. My initial answer has always been no! This answer being based on the fact that astrologically speaking there are already so many other places to obtain this information. Astrologically and logically speaking, there are far more factors measured into this than most people generally realize. Compiling this kind of input takes an enormous amount of time. Then, when it is all said and done, it always comes right down to my opening quote; “love ‘can’ conquer all.” (Ah, that is, if one is willing to be conquered)!

It is worth mentioning and reminding folks once again, astrology is only a guide! One's journey here on earth is a long road of decisions and choices: The ones that we make for ourselves, and the ones others help us and encourage us to make.

In the meantime, I will give you a few snipits of astrological information that hopefully will broaden the awareness of what it is going on up above us.

Most of us by now are at least familiar with the term sun signs. Most of us by now are familiar with the term birth charts. Most of us are also familiar with the term planets.
So, let’s go on to the next important step, which is HOW does the movement of planets affect us?

The word PLANETS comes from the Greek word planes, which means “the wanderer.” Planets roam around the sky like hunters in different directions and through different zodiac signs. As the planets move and rotate, their ‘energies’ change and affect us down here on earth. Women and warriors react to their energy or vibrations, just as plants are sensitive to the Sun’s movement from early morning to the afternoon.

Think about it. We know that our body temperature changes from night to day, and that seasonal changes assist us in planting in the spring and also harvesting in the fall. We know that human beings need sunlight for vitamin D. And we know that some of us get depressed when ‘old man winter’ dulls the sun’s rays. All the planets up there work their energies on us in completely different ways, but with the same principle in mind. The planets are most definitely in a huge relationship with nature!

ASPECTS are the mathematical degrees that explain or describe where exactly one planet is in relation to another. Therefore, they also explain how their energies are interacting. (This is crucial information for an astrologer.) They tell us the difference between having a good day and a not-so-good-day! They also go one step further and tell us whom we get along with best, and least. And, whom we love regardless! (Basically, the foundation for interpreting the compatibility between women and warriors), the question that some of you have been probing for!

Aspects are major factors in giving influential astrological information. This is what is looked at in a chart for making upcoming forecasts, or predictions, as some still call them.

Aspects are favourable when planets are in the same signs – meaning ‘conjunction’. Or, two signs 60 degrees from one another – meaning ‘sextile’. Or, even four signs away at 120 degrees from one another making them ‘trine’. All of these positions are for the sake of a better expression known as ‘friendly’.

The ‘not’ so friendly aspects are the ones that make it harder for us to deal with people and situations. Ones that are three zodiacs sign positions, (90 degrees) apart – ‘square’. Or, six signs at (180 degrees) from one another, which are known as ‘opposition’.

EXAMPLE:
If a good planet, say, like Jupiter is in the fifth house of ‘speculation’ and makes a good aspect (like a trine) to another favourable planet, you might want to stop after work and purchase a lottery ticket. Or, make contact with a woman or warrior that you have secretly wanted to warm up to! Or, make that investment you have been pondering about. (You get the idea now…. right)? Astrologically or logically speaking, why would you want to do this if the ‘aspects’ where seated against you? Hopefully, now you see how aspects work and why they are so crucial to forecasting in astrology!

KEY PLANETARY NOTE:
JUPITER is one of the GOOD planets and it is doing something nice each and every single day. Jupiter is there to deliver to us faith, hope, and horseshoes full of luck! So, to you my readers out there please try to remember this. If you ever get a -lousy or negative- reading from an astrologer (and a good one won’t give one, by the way), just say:
“Oh yeah sweetheart! Well what about Jupiter!”

Thank you readers, for not only following my ramblings, but also for truly taking an interest in what I am rambling about! Until next time, remember – “When looking for answers, look up and look within!”

What I mean by this statement is that women who go hunting are usually on the path of infatuation. A path that will in most cases ends up very badly for them. Why? Because, when it comes to personal relationships between women and warriors, it is the warriors who where placed on the path of pursuit – the hunters, and women that where placed on the path of the hunted – the big prize!

Since as far back as the caveman, man has done the hunting. Generally speaking, it is also most often the law of Mother Nature as well. Simply put, the male should do the hunting. I mean no disrespect to the women’s libbers out there. I am simply stating a historical fact and passing it on.

What I am about to tell you isn’t new information. It is just written here for the purpose of an educational reminder in matters of the heart.

Metaphorically speaking, for men, when Spring is in the air – no matter what season it really is, nature calls out to the very core of their youth. It smiles a big smile, and says, “Ya know buddy, today I don’t feel like golfing. Today, I think some serious hunting is required!"

Therefore, women, please listen up! He does not want to spend all his time getting geared up for the big hunt only to find when he tries to leave his house that he can’t get out his door. Why? Because some woman is acting liking a deer on his doorstep. This of course sends the message loud and clear. Hey, you don’t have to go hunting …here I am. Look, right here. All you have to do is just reach down and scoop me up!

Think about it. How exciting is this for the hunter? NO distance for him to cross to get to you! NO reason for him to apply himself! NO big story to tell his other guy buddies about how long and hard he had to work to reach his BIG PRIZE – the woman of his heart’s attention!

Women who interrupt his necessary need to hunt end up being left behind the door. He will just push it open farther leaving you down and behind it, as he makes his way forward to look for a new and different BIG PRIZE. In other words, in case you missed it, he implies "stay out of my way I’ve got a job to do!" For the sake of romance, stay out of his way! Otherwise, he will temporarily lose his interest in hunting and next time might simply head out to the golf course with his buddies.

Women, if you find that you repeatedly find yourself lying metaphorically on some guy's doorstep, please STOP here and READ this!

2. Your feelings for him run hot and cold depending on each and every simple thing he does or does not do. Meaning your swing strings are way too long.

6. Your life focus is on him and not on your goals. You compromise yourself right out of who you are for his dreams, his goals, and his needs.

7. You feel incomplete and lonely when he is far away. You are unable to concentrate and focus on practical matters.

8. You have a great and deep need for your feelings to be only fulfilled by him and him alone.

9. You end up confronting him about your feelings at the risk of being rejected. Or, you simply deny yourself any pleasure from him by repeatedly trying to wean yourself from this addiction of infatuation. Why? Because now it has become so one sided that you can’t carry this cross another heart step.

Women, not to worry! Lots of people become easily infatuated. Look at it this way. You get to experience how good you can feel, and how bad you can feel! Ideally, you learn not to hand over that much of your self-power to someone else, again.

Hey, during all your pain, you probably ended up making some warrior feel pretty darn good and important whether he was interested in you or not! So wipe your tears, take back your own power, and next time around, don’t hand it out so freely! Otherwise, life will make you repeat this lesson, over and over and over again. Really, how much time do you have to waste on the same old, same old? Come on. Try something new. Something for you!

If I asked you to SET A PRICE TAG ON YOUR OWN WORTH - what dollar value would you give it? How much will you sell your heart for the next time! I want you to really think about this question. This question can also apply for some of you warriors out there as well.

You know you just might get to like the quieter, deeper and much more enduring love that is out there. Go ahead, indulge! Start with yourself and move on from there. IF you decide they’re worth it.

When it comes to love, I agree. There is a right time and a right place for infatuation, for a reasonable amount of time. However, the emotions should fade. It should then move to the next natural step, which is either love or the ending of this particular relationship. Sometimes, it will move itself into another nice place, which is the place of long term friendship! Infatuation always leaves us wiser, no matter which direction it travels to.

Remember this. The best is yet to be! Don’t be so afraid to spend time growing on your own. If the universe decides that this is the best place for you to be at this time, then hanging out in every nook and cranny isn’t going to change things anyway. Besides, ask anyone. Most people will tell you that the real thing usually comes along when we aren’t looking for it! You see, there is no need to sell your soul for a quarter now, is there?

1. Infatuation is just a phase, a stage, and a temporary place, NOT a permanent residence for a condition. If you start to feel stuck, move on!

2. If he hasn’t asked you out after your first two good doses of growing rejection, move on little heart. There are bigger fish to fry and a better man ahead for you!

3. Please STOP kidding yourself. Stop making excuses why you aren’t dating him. The bottom tough line is that he isn’t attracted to you. Women, that’s a fair trade. We aren’t attracted to every warrior out there either. It never was designed to be that way. That’s what making the right one for us is so special when it really does happen!

4. I am NOT going to tell you NOT to take this personally. Matters of the heart are designed to be personal. They’re a part of each individual’s journey. They help to make and shape us!

5. Face the truth. Your truth. All the wishful thinking in the world won’t make it clean. Neither will sitting and crying.

6. If you find my advice is irritating you as you read this, it's guaranteed you have a SERIOUS case of infatuation!

7. Big tip, women. Learn to master the abilities of your femininity. You’re NOT a golf club! Therefore, he shouldn’t be able to pick you up and swing you as easily as often as he wishes. You value is far higher than any golf club. Make him work for it. Give him that distance he needs to cross. Give him that big story to tell his other buddies. BIG PRIZES deserve a BIG HUNT!

Once again W&W’S - My thanks for stopping by the wigwam! Happy Hunting – White Sparrow!

So many books are out there these days that focus on how to nurture and keep a relationship alive and well. However, there seems to be far less material on the shelves of the bookstores to assist those wanting to understand the attraction process. Attraction should be mysterious, to a certain point, but not overwhelmingly confusing!

Straight talk first for the women. Here is a checklist of things to be aware of:

- Make eye contact
- Before breaking eye contact, look down first, then away
- Smile
- Smile again
- Align your body to his face
- Pull your shoulders back
- Hold eye contact longer than normal
- Shake hands or offer, your name if he doesn’t
- Use your intuition and intelligence to learn about him
- Listen attentively
- Lean forward
- Raise your eyebrows
- Tilt your head
- Keep your hands away from your face and mouth area
- Do not cross your arms
- Brush him slightly, even if accidental

- Last, but not least, if any of the above things had to be ‘consciously’ thought out by you at the time of attraction it is false attraction and phony. It means you are playing games. It means you aren’t allowing your body to respond naturally the way it was designed to during the attraction process. It means you are lying to both yourself and to him. It means, this is no way to begin building a foundation of friendship.

- Now, if you are looking for a one-night stand, you probably just landed one, but it won’t last much past that.

- Make eye contact
- Smile
- Hold eye contact longer than normal
- Let her break this contact off first
- Turn your nose and toes forward, in other words, turn your feet and shoulders in her direction
- Begin breathing at her frequency
- Lean into her space, then back out again
- Do not, under any circumstances touch her first. No way, no how, no exceptions
- Be calm, open and friendly
- If the conversation gets too personal then watch for a neutral or closed off expression to cross her face
- Read her body language, politely
- Relax, it will make her feel more comfortable as well – women like confident men
- Be aware of the ZONES – watch how the distance lessens or grows between you

Intimate Zone = 0-45cm
Personal Zone =45-120cm
Social Zone = 120-360 cm
Public Zone = 360-750 cm

Here is the breakdown of first encounters:
Words        = 7%
Voice         = 38%
Body Talk   = 55%
Total         =100%

Warriors, if the Gods are with you, here are the SEVEN STEPS to the BIG FIRST KISS!

1). Draw her into your arms.
2). Look into her eyes.
3). Look from her right pupil to left pupil.
4). Observe your breathing speeding up.
5). Observe simultaneously the conversation is slowing down.
6). Move your face toward hers. (Hers should move in closer to you).
7). Close your eyes before your lips touch. (Her eyes should close also).

Warriors, be alert and watchful. If you make a move that causes her to back off or back up, do the same! If she approves, she will let you know by simply not pulling back!

If your body language is in synch, this is an excellent sign that you are on the right track! Keep your conversation light and fun. This is no time to start spilling your insides about all your family history, or dumping on her with any negative feedback about anything. Look for genuine things to ask her. Things that you are really interested in!

Most of all, try really hard to remember what she tells you! If opportunity allows, repeat tidbits of her information back to her in future conversations.

It is important to note that if the woman or warrior does not show signs of awkwardness, nervousness or clumsiness, it isn’t the real deal! It is rehearsed and more to the point, planned and focused on one thing only! You will know it, and so will she!

Warriors, one last thing! Keep your hands visible at all times! (Not in your pockets!) And for goodness sake, WATCH HER EYES! Do they shine, do they glisten, or do they simply spill over with attraction? THE EYES NEVER LIE!

-Watch to see if he stands with his feet straddled
-Tries to isolate you
-Puffs his chest
-Sense that he watches you as you walk away
-Preens and fixes his hair or clothing
-All barriers are kept down or away from obstructing the distance between you
-He adds base to his voice when speaking
-He out stares you
-Read his body language
-Last, but not least, listen LOUDLY to your instincts and not your hormones

Strange as this may sound, if the WARRIOR feels sexual attraction first, this is a GOOD SIGN! If the woman feels sexual attraction ‘before’ safety and comfort, this is more often a BAD SIGN! Bad because it means she isn’t listening to the ‘right’ signals about him. Women, think of it this way. If he reminds you of a long, warm bath in lavender oil, then you’re on the RIGHT TRACK! Be patient, don’t sell your soul to the devil to win him by compromising yourself right out of who you are! Differences mixed with common ground make for longer relationships! Be you, be interesting! Be yourself!

Well, readers, whether you are married, single, or divorced, I do hope that you learned at least one little pointer or two here that may help you, or someone else in your life! Knowledge is not only power, it is peace of mind!

	“I am many different things to many different people, even to myself ”.



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